Lessons from Quarter Century of Life: Part II

The story takes place on a fine August day in 2019. I had just gotten out of a long-term, semi-toxic relationship – my first ever relationship – and decided to celebrate my new-found freedom by getting a tattoo. Somehow in the process, which included two drinks and banter, I ended up with three tattoos. One tattoo larger than originally intended. Another sillier than expected. Regret followed. It is now 2023, and I am still in the process of removing them. Granted, I only started the removal process in 2022, but the point remains – do not get tattoos on a whim.

Our bodies are powerful, self-healing machines. Naturally, they need regular upkeep, and exercise is one of the best ways of preserving and improving our organs, muscles, bones, and joints. There is a study published in The Physician and Sportsmedicine (Wroblewski et al., 2011, pp. 172-178) that investigated the impact of regular exercise on muscle mass and the findings evince that the more we move now, the more we will be able to move in the future. I think the best way of demonstrating my point would be by including a figure from the article itself. Below you can see the MRI scans of a 40-year-old triathlete, a 74-year-old sedentary man, and a 70-year-old triathlete. The picture speaks for itself – the difference in the muscle mass between the sportsmen is minimal despite the age gap, while the man with the sedentary lifestyle lost a significant chunk of his muscles. So, get up and stretch, go out and jog around the neighbourhood, and lift some weights. Controlled pain of exercise today means no debilitating pain in old age.

The internet has generously gifted humanity with an abundance of knowledge, but stole our capacity for reflection. Let me correct myself - the internet didn't exactly steal our ability to ponder, as we are innately wired to contemplate our experiences, but rather put a heavy blanket over our instincts to reflect. By bombarding us with notifications, news, and other content, the internet - regardless of the device it is consumed on - transformed into a pacifier for our brains. Our surroundings became noisier due to the constant overfeeding of media, and the serenity that was once available on a bus ride or an evening stroll disappeared. It is exactly this serenity that fostered deep thoughts and reflections on life. In essence, it would be more fair to state that we have exchanged the serenity of singular moments for easy stimulation, because it freed us from the daunting task of thinking, and thinking of nothing less than life itself. Faced with existential concepts, we were easily lured into the claws of a machine that spewed, and continues to spew, content for money at an ever-increasing pace. Creators and big media alike are constantly in the process of perfecting their algorithms to retain our attention, making it even more difficult to escape the grasp of the media behemoth. We become bloated with information and messages and experience mental fatigue, tricking ourselves into thinking that we have actually engaged in meaningful thought. It is not all doom and gloom, however, because our propensity to make sense of our surroundings will always exist regardless of how deeply buried it is in our minds. We have a natural inclination to philosophize life, but most of us - especially the digital natives - have grown too accustomed to outsourcing the thinking and the reflecting. The only times we actually philosophize is when we are thrown into situations that force reflection such as a painful breakup or an otherwise unfortunate incident. The crux of the matter, as we see, isn't our inability to think deeply, but rather our hesitancy to engage in the complex processes of self-exploration. I invite you to be brave, however, and to resist the urge to consume when you idle away time. Pick up a journal, listen to music, or better yet read Ripe Reflections, and find your own meaning of life.

If we want to be happy, we should not be stingy. I am not talking about money per se, although we shouldn’t embrace a Scrooge McDuck mindset either, as there are worse things that we can skimp on such as time, energy, and feelings. We can think of this from a spiritual position – the universe seeks cosmic balance – thus the more we give, the more we receive. We act as vessels by allowing experiences and possessions pass through us to others. Alternatively, we can think of this logically – the feeling of happiness is manifested with the help of hormones, which are released when we feel love, exercise, listen to music, or simply laugh. Anything that is worth experiencing in life requires an investment from our side. So, if our goal is to be happy, we can’t afford to be stingy on life.

All of us have ideas. I would even say that all of us, at least once in our lifetimes, will have a genuinely great idea – an original, unique thought that might impact the world if executed. Unfortunately, most of our ideas remain just ideas – we rarely find the courage to realize them. This inaction needs to be addressed – idea formulation is undoubtedly important, but it is worthless if the formed ideas don’t actualize.

My personal vice was, and still to some degree is, indecisiveness. I managed to alter my behavior by analyzing the root of the problem – I was paralyzed by the fear of making a bad decision, resulting in a freeze mindset. When I reframed indecisiveness as something that is as destructive as a bad decision, however, I was freed. In reality, indecision is a decision – a decision not to act. We often view indecision as a 0 on the scale of good vs. bad decisions, with good decisions being a 1 and bad decisions being a -1, but this is a false premise. Involuntary indecision is a -1 in absolute terms. A bad decision, contrary to popular belief, is often a positive in absolute terms. Bad decisions promote growth by presenting valuable opportunities to learn through failure, while indecision results in stagnation. Shifting my mindset to reflect these thoughts allowed me to act more freely, and the more I practiced choosing one option over the other, the more effective my decision-making became.

There are two types of perfectionists – the ones who use their perfectionism as an asset and master their craft and the ones who are immobilized by their perfectionism. Unfortunately, the perfectionists who take advantage of their obsession are in the minority. This is precisely why it is possible to see brilliant people with so much untapped potential rotting away in jobs and places that aren’t meant for them. I was, and still to some degree remain, in the same boat, and while I am not suggesting that I am brilliant, I know that I am capable. Knowing that you are capable, however, is rarely enough when your brain is wired to desire perfection and reject anything that comes short of it. So, when I graduated from university, I was sucked into funemployment, a sort of limbo state of existence. Of course, part of the reason was that I didn’t want to pursue a career in the field that I studied (I didn’t want to work as an economist regardless of how riveting I found the science in university), but that didn’t excuse my overall inaction in life. My fixation on achieving perfection and excessive self-critique were the biggest roadblocks to attaining perfection itself. This year, however, I am employing a different tactic – I am shooting my arrows toward success and as long as they land near the bullseye, I will be content.

I could approach this from a spiritual perspective and echo the sayings of traditional healers and spiritual insta-bloggers, but the truth is better understood in simple terms. The way we love ourselves sets an example of how we want to be treated and determines what behaviors we accept from others. If we don’t respect our own time, other people won’t either. If we don’t love our bodies, others won’t either. If we don’t believe in our own capabilities and talents, others won’t either.

References: Wroblewski, A. P., Amati, F., Smiley, M. A., Goodpaster, B. and Wright, V. (2011). “Chronic Exercise Preserves Lean Muscle Mass in Masters Athletes.” The Physician and Sportsmedicine, Vol. 39, No. 3, pp. 172-178. doi:10.3810/psm.2011.09.1933.