Balancing Act: Work, Play, and Pixie Dust II

I have recently published the first part of “Balancing Act: Work, Play, and Pixie Dust.” I promised to publish the second part soon after the first, and having completed the second month of my challenge, I present you Part II.

The second month was not much different from the first, with the exception that I did not fail midway. Waking up at 10 a.m. was easier, and yet I developed a new fear of waking a minute late like last month or accidentally falling back asleep after the alarm. In a way, this month was more difficult because my determination not to fail and to continue the streak manifested itself in subtle anxiety. This anxiety translated into a tighter grip on life. I had to be in bed by 2 a.m. I had to fall asleep quickly. I had to be in total control. Not surprisingly, the result of such neuroticism was insomnia, which in turn caused more anxiety.

I believe my anxiety will naturally resolve over the next month as I feel more confident in my abilities not to screw up. In the meantime, to slightly alleviate my worries, I set my alarm at 9:59 a.m. because silly problems call for silly solutions. In regard to the additional goals that I have set for myself – I continued my workout regime, networked, finished reading two books (The Righteous Mind by Jonathan Haidt and The Art of Being by Erich Fromm), and published one article. I have also started coding, and in a jack-of-all-trades-master-of-none approach, set an additional goal of completing one coding module per week. Overall, I am quite happy with my progress, and these are the takeaways I deem important enough to share:

We set goals that are grand – we want to be entrepreneurs, writers, leaders, and so on. We focus on becoming and being rather than the actual doing. This desire to be is a vortex that sucks us into despair whenever we don’t see immediate results. To pull ourselves back into action, we need to shift our mindsets to doing. If my ultimate goal is to become an entrepreneur, my day-to-day goal should be to operate a business. If I want to be a writer, I need to write every day. To become a leader, I need to lead. I need to do x to become X.

This mindset has been tremendously helpful in my journey because most of my goals are continuous, meaning that I have to be a doer every day. I need to continuously exercise to be fit, continuously read to be erudite, and continuously code to be proficient in any coding language. In a metaphorical sense, there is no mountain peak for me to summit because the mountain grows taller as I advance.

In the past, this lack of conclusiveness would make me nihilistically demotivated – why bother doing if it can never be completed? I thought that the setup was all too similar to the myth of Sisyphus, who was cursed to roll a rock up to the top of the mountain only to have it roll back down every time he reached the top. Solely concentrating on the doing, however, eliminates the focus on the grand scheme and brings it back to the daily actions that matter. By freeing ourselves from the chains of perpetual striving to become something, we allow ourselves the space to just do. All of a sudden, it’s not about becoming; the goal is no longer a destination but rather a manageable process confined to a single day.

We began as single-celled organisms that were rewarded with dopamine for seeking food. The organisms that had the most dopamine were able to proliferate as dopamine produced the sensations of pleasure and satisfaction, resulting in motivation. As we evolved into more complex organisms, our nervous systems began to produce dopamine following other functions such as exercise, social communication, sex, and others. In simple terms, the dopamine pathways in our brains motivate us to do certain behaviors by reinforcing the association between certain stimuli and the subsequent reward of pleasure (Haynes, 2018).

It is possible to use this evolutionary system to our advantage by practicing self-gratitude. It has been proven that both self-love and gratitude lead to dopamine production (Shapiro, 2023; University of Utah Health, 2021). Taking a minute of your day to appreciate yourself and your progress will produce dopamine, which in turn will motivate you to continue. I have discussed the value of positive habits in Part I and believe that the practice of self-gratitude is a keystone habit. Counting your victories encourages further conquest.

This month, when I again failed to publish four monthly articles, I chose not to dwell on my shortcoming and instead appreciated my existing growth. I implemented a healthy sleep routine, started working out, networked, applied for jobs, and read more. This was a significant improvement from two months ago when I was waking up at midday, barely accomplishing anything. It felt good to recognize my own effort and to appreciate myself for trying.

Some time ago, my boyfriend and I went out to dinner with a few of his friends. We were a group of three couples in some Chinese restaurant in Queen’s Quay West. The restaurant was proposed as an option by one of the friends, who I believe was deceived by the establishment’s supposed recognition across the city. We were rushed throughout the evening by a rude waiter who encouraged us to go very heavy on the food. Despite being rushed, however, we found a moment or two to discuss our lives.

As we stuffed our mouths with dim sum, noodles, and roasted duck, we spoke about recent trips, upcoming trips, and planned trips. Once we’d exhausted the topics of conversation, which included an elaborate wedding in El Salvador, a beauty contest in Denmark, and drunken encounters in The Bahamas, I was asked about my life. Having not traveled or done anything truly extraordinary recently, I mentioned my new sleep and workout routines. I was quickly reminded, however, that pretty much everyone at the table was waking up at 7 a.m. to get ready for their white-collar jobs and keeping active at Fit Factories, F45s, and the like. It wasn’t a snide remark, but it got me thinking – should I even be proud of myself?

Relating to the earlier point about self-gratitude and appreciation, eventually, the answer became an obvious “yes.” At the time, however, I felt doubtful about the significance of my so-called victories. Yes, I was waking up earlier than before and doing more with my time, but the people around me were waking up even earlier and doing even more with their time. I felt that if life was a race, I’d be the last one on the circuit, desperately trying to catch up.

I could go on a classic spiel about the real competition being the one that you have with yourself, but I think that view is just as deluded as the one-sided competition you have with others. Ideally, there should be no comparison to anyone, yourself included, because comparison not only robs us of joy but also deafens our senses. Often, we are too busy competing to see that the true purpose of any undertaking should be the journey and, more importantly, the feelings of satisfaction that arise from doing something enjoyable rather than the result. The collective goal of our goals should be to enjoy ourselves as we attempt challenging yet achievable aspirations.

There is a misguided belief that comparison and competition are positive forces as they motivate us to do better. In reality, the motivation to act will come naturally if we set goals that reflect our genuine pursuits. Having the need to compete with others or ourselves for motivation is futile because it undermines the whole purpose of the goal. Our goals should be a reflection of our true interests and desires, not a reflection of the fear of being “outcompeted” in life. We need to source motivation internally from passion and enjoyment instead of ego-related external factors such as perceived respect from others. Internal motivation ensures long-lasting success by promoting interest and confidence, resulting in perseverance and general well-being. As Ryan and Deci explain:

A figure demonstrating the Self-Determination Theory (a framework for the study of human motivation and personality) and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation from Ryan and Deci (2000:72). As it is shown, intrinsic motivation is produced through interest, enjoyment, and satisfaction. Conscious valuing and ego-involvement, however, which are closely tied to comparison and competitiveness, are considered to be sources of extrinsic motivation.

In other words, it is easier to achieve great success if we engage in activities that bring us joy, feeding our passion for doing. While comparisons and/or competitiveness can be sources of external motivation, the most effective form of inspiration is only achieved through internal processes of enjoyment and satisfaction.

This concludes the second part of my self-development journey. Stay posted for part three and share your thoughts on Instagram. Make sure to check out the archive for more articles if you enjoyed reading this piece.

Haynes, T. (2018) Dopamine, Smartphones & You: A Battle for Your Time. Available at: https://sitn.hms.harvard.edu/flash/2018/dopamine-smartphones-battle-time/ (Accessed: 1 August 2024).

Ryan, R. M. and Deci, E. L. (2000) “Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being," American Psychologist, Vol. 55, No. 1, pp. 68-78. doi:10.1037110003-066X.55.1.68.

Shapiro, S. (2023) Teaching Kids to Embrace Self-Compassion. Available at: https://www.scu.edu/illuminate/thought-leaders/shauna-shapiro/teaching-kids-to-embrace-self-compassion.html (Accessed: 1 August 2024).

University of Utah Health. (2021) Practicing Gratitude for Better Health and Well-Being. Available at: https://healthcare.utah.edu/healthfeed/2021/11/practicing-gratitude-better-health-and-well-being (Accessed: 1 August 2024).